Healthy Narcissism?

Most people feel like they have a fairly good understanding of what a narcissist is: self-centered, vain, materialistic and maybe even shallow. A lot of flash with little substance. And, in a way, that would be an accurate description of an overt  or grandiose narcissist. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Can there be such a thing as "healthy narcissism?" In my opinion, no. Narcissism is different than self-confidence or a drive to succeed. The definition of narcissism is:

• extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
• self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

  Let's not forget that Narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and there are 5 or more of the following criteria that need to be met in order for this diagnosis to be given:

  • Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerating your achievements and talents
  • Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
  • Requiring constant admiration
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
  • Taking advantage of others to get what you want
  • Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Being envious of others and believing others envy you
  • Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

  
  What could a health version of this type of behavior possibly look like? This isn't a once in awhile self-centeredness--we all can be selfish or self-absorbed--this is a pervasive, inflexible and need for admiration that overrides everything and everyone in it's path. NPD is a disregard for others that is a pattern of behavior. I suppose what differentiates NPD from other mental illness (apart of sociopaths and psychopaths) is that the narcissist remains fairly unaffected by their behavior. They rarely seek treatment and if they do, they don't stay long. The people who are affected by those who could be diagnosed with NPD are their loved ones, particularly their children.
  
  Children of narcissists is not a widely researched topic, but it's my guess that many adult children of narcissistic parents are being treated for depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses without really understanding their complex family history. I think that needs to change.